Self Care as Spiritual Practice

In the way that I was taught in sweat lodge, there are multiple approaches to prayer.  In the round of the east, we pray for ourselves, which is a very specific and intentional approach to prayer.  This round is typically prefaced with the idea that we are of limited value to anyone else until we have taken care of ourselves first in relationship to spirit. This logic is something like this; how can we offer ourselves in assistance to someone else when we have not taken care of our own selves first? Sometimes in western culture there is the context of putting others first as a token of some moral high ground when one might suggest we have so much more to give when we have filled our cup first. 

 The next round in the lodge is the south which is dedicated for prayers on behalf of our loved ones. This follows the logic that now that we have taken care of ourselves, we are now available energetically and spiritually to offer our assistance to others. In all the shamanic practices that I have been in relationship to, each healer or shaman that I have worked with, has had to go through their own process of wrestling with their own troubling nature. Through shamanic assistance, what comes through this process of self-examination is the capacity to help others.  This personal work or deep personal exploration is often loss in modernity.  Sitting in ritual, in nature, opening oneself to this process has become a novelty and yet many resources are suggesting that many medical and mental health maladies are a byproduct of circumventing this process of reflection and revelation.  The shaman facing the shadow and dealing with it is not a specific destination as it is an initiation to an ongoing process that guides one through life.

 I’ve recently been going through an interesting process in my own life. Sometimes my issues are obvious and it’s easy to identify what parts of myself needs to be addressed.  But there are times when “Coyote” or the trickster allows us to chase our tail a bit before we learn the lesson.  There are parts of the self that are often hidden from our own self perception that needs to be pointed out or revealed when we are ready to see them.   They’re often hidden and later emerge to be examined.  Those apprenticing in Shamanic practices often come to appreciate these moments that reveal themselves in unexpected moments. 

 In November I will turn 59 years old.  That age, that number, conjures a particular story about what to expect at that age.  Perhaps without knowing it, I succumbed to this story without any thought of what I was doing until I tasted another reality.

The last year has been a particular challenge for me. Last winter I fell and seriously injured my leg, and my mobility became incredibly restricted.  Between emerging from Covid isolation and now this injury plus being THAT age I stopped taking care of myself.  I stopped exercising, worked harder, neglected my diet, and just not wanting to engage in the physical activities that in my younger years sustained my enthusiasm.  I had given into the idea that age was now in charge of my outcomes and to not expect too much of myself.  Through a certain chain of events, I met an individual who was able to re-ignite my enthusiasm through exercise and diet.  I’ve been working with this guy for about a year and recently was looking through our text message history and it reminded me of what my attitude was a year ago and how I have gone through a bit of a transformation.  This transformation has not been an obvious overnight miracle but a slow and gradual shift.  My diet and mobility have been greatly transformed and the results have been deeply appreciated.  More work to be done but like most of us I am a work in progress.

 It occurred to that this summer I have been hiking more than usual, walking, and exercising more than usual, and surprisingly finding a vitality, that frankly I had given up to being part of the aging process. I had stopped tending to myself care without knowing I had given up.  It wasn’t an obvious transgression, but over a period this cumulation of neglect led to me, being overweight, lethargic, depressed, and restless about life.  Last weekend I found myself hungry for a hike, eager for a salad and appreciative of the stamina and energy I had found within myself.

 In this case, my shaman showed up in the form of a nutritional coach and trainer. Unfamiliar with the shamanic practices that I have become familiar with, but in his own right, facilitated in the energetics and enthusiasm that I needed to carry me through my shadow of taking better care of myself.  I’m appreciative of what I have learned and how the progress has been useful in my life and consequently how it feeds my capacity to hold circle and space for others.

 Sometimes as “spiritual” people who are embracing a spiritual path we can become so saturated with the idea of the spiritual that we neglect other aspects of ourselves, such as the body, mind, or social parts of who we are. Through my process, I feel as if I have tapped into a whole new sense of energy that I thought was lost to my youth.

 For this blog post I’m encouraging the concept of self-care and reflection as part of spiritual practice, I can’t embrace the light and a snickers bar at the same time.  Whenever we assist someone in releasing energy, we remind them they must nurture the awaking.  The ritual is the catalyst to the process, you must engage in the practice to see the progress.  I’m suggesting an openness to always be open to being the apprentice.  My shaman, this time was a nutritional coach, next time it could be the wisdom of a child or the simplicity of watching nature unfold without my internal sensors. 

 My concept of myself, my age, the role I play, is of my design and I don’t need to be a slave to the diagnosis or condition to know how to be, I can be open to surprising and stimulating discoveries at any stage of my existence.  That’s what magic is all about… right?